i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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