I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
