My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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