I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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