Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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