He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I need a beard to bite.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
