Christians are straight up FREAKS
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Shame is for Republicans.
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