News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
