He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
