I heard we made out
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize