Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
