do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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