You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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