i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
