This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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