you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
