my mouth tastes like poor choices
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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