Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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