Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
