Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
