and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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