we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
