Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
