I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
