they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
