Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
