Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
