It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize