ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
