Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
