Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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