All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
