She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
