Please, let me fuck your mom
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize