Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
