then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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