Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
