I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
