so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
