we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
