My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
