He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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