I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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