My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
