I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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