the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
