swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
