i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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