"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
