Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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