I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
