Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
