We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
