idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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