My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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