If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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