Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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