Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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