You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
