So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
