I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
