i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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