we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize