So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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