I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
