His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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