im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
