One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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