i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
