he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
