My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
