Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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