just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
