and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
