You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
