I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
