Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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