Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize