It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Two words: blizzard sex
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize