We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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