It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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