So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
