You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize