Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
