If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
