dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What a dumb baby whore.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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