Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Randomize
