I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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