party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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