I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
