you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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