Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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