im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
