Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
