why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize