I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
