I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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