have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
