its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
