If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
