...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
