never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
