Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize