I think I am morally bankrupt
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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