my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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