remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
