i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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