Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
