so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
