i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
